View From ThE Apple House

As it is the last day of December and the last hours of this demanding pandemic, I thought I might share some of my thoughts to document this troublesome year. One day I was celebrating my birthday and St. Patricks day in a bar with all of my friends, the next day were were in lockdown.

I am surrounded by pictures in my makeshift office/guest room as thoughts fly around over my head, hoping to pull some words of wisdom and comfort. I try to write something poignant to share in the struggles and the grief so many have endured during this trying time.

But it will be hypocritical and banal; I have nothing. My husband and I never stopped going to work (as he was considered essential as a truck driver, and was I as a by product of the business). We had plenty of food and toilet paper due to my frugalness of buying groceries (“one for now, two for later”). My children were adults and my grandchildren were home schooled. We were somewhat ready. Life did not change all that much for us, and all we lost was our freedom.

It is not to say we weren’t afraid. Every time my husband left to deliver food and goods, our hearts were in our throats. Everything we touched was hazardous, an evil waiting around the corner. What was out there, what if he touched something even though our hands were already raw from handwashing and sanitize liquids? What if someone else didn’t take the warnings seriously and thought they didn’t need a mask? What if someone coughed on him? On me? How long did it last if they did?

Our worst fears were met when he developed bronchitis. Getting the COVID test and waiting for the results were torture. Negative, blessed negative. But it only brought home the sheer terror of those whose outcome were not. My heart aches for those who have died, for those who have endured alone and not able to comfort their loved ones.

There are no words to describe my admiration for those on the front lines, be it physical, mental or spiritual. A holy trinity of caregivers; the medical community, the first responders and the teachers.

So I guess my only true words of wisdom are along the lines of gratefulness.

Grateful we have been safe and just plain lucky, awaiting our turn for the vaccine.

Grateful to be able to watch the sunrise from my porch and the sunset from the backyard.

Grateful for the small gatherings outside and zoom calls with my sisters and kids.

Grateful for everything.

And if the same has been for you, you should be grateful too.