View From ThE Apple House

Things I’ve learned about him and myself

When riding on the back of a snowmobile on snowy trails, he told me to pay attention to the hand signals of approaching drivers. What I’ve learned so far is an oncoming snowmobiler will give you the “Fight the power fist” if he is the only one coming toward you. Similarly, if there are two or more coming up behind him he will flash the peace sign or number 5. When he starts throwing jazz hands at you, you know there’s a flash mob coming.
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There is only one thing to do in the summer season, and that is BOATING. Nothing else matters. He did help me get over my fear of the water (somewhat) and I taught him how to budget. The joke was on me: there is no budget when you have a boat.
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I love you really means, “I love you.” And he will say it every day, ten times a day. I always say it back, no matter how many times. It never gets old.
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He loves his kids, and he loves my kids, even the ones he hasn’t physically met yet, and would do anything for them.
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He is a sucker for John Wayne movies, old westerns and the Hallmark channel always kicks up his allergies.
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He hates mice as much as I do, but will lovingly set the traps, even though it makes his stomach roll.
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When riding a bicycle on the trails of Sanibel Island, don’t ride too close as he is bound to suddenly stop to point out a bird, flower or lizard he wants you to see. If you fail to ride at least one bicycle length behind him, you will be experiencing your own personal Daytona 500 smash up derby.
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He has always been hard of hearing in one ear due to childhood ear aches. Now that I am getting older, I am losing mine as well. You should hear some of our conversations, they are hysterical. Of course, we only hear half of them. The other half must be phenomenal.
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When given the choice of a tv program, he will ask “Do you want to watch Program A or Program B?” I’ll say “Program A”. He’ll say “You sure? You don’t want to watch Program B?” Then he’ll look at me. “Hey!” I’ll say. “How about Program B?” “Good idea” he says.
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The best gift he ever gave me was his parents.
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He secretly wishes it was the year 1954 and Aunt Bea still lived on the corner. He would make an excellent Sherriff Andy Taylor. He loves his Mom’s peach pie and his Dad’s farm. And them.
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He is a professional procrastinator. Why do something today when you can do it five years from now?
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He is the arbiter of situations. I am normally a calm and friendly person, with a very long fuse. However, if I drink Prosecco i want to fight the waitress, the chef or the loudmouth sitting at the table behind me. He lovingly tells me to back off in such a way that I feel I should thank him. I still want to pop that obnoxious bus boy in the mouth, though. Sucker took my plate before I was finished.
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He has an extremely simple (fussy) palate, and will only eat meat, pork, potatoes and corn. One of the first meals I cooked for him was an Italian dish. He loved it and after only having three bites left he told me he loved my veal parmigiana. When I told him it was eggplant, he threw his fork down and announced “Oh, I don’t eat eggplant.” Similarly, if I put broccoli in front of him he’ll say “What is this?” “Eat it, its corn” I’ll say. “No its not, its green” he’ll say. “Hey, Green Giant makes Green Corn.” Cauliflower is harder to push through.
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He doesn’t have an email address, still uses a flip phone, and is horrified he will have to use a smart phone because 3G will soon be obsolete. He can find the weather channel on my iPhone, and doesn’t understand what the hub bub is about.
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He refuses to buy himself new clothes (because they are broken in) and has his favorite shirts to wear during the holidays. This makes it extremely difficult to tell what year it is when looking at photographs. The only ball park of a year I have is if I’m in the picture.
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He can be my mischievous partner-in-crime. One evening I told the waitress at the Outback Steakhouse that we were celebrating our 38th wedding anniversary. We were, in fact, married for 38 years. Just not to each other. Free dinner and drinks followed.
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He loves surprises but can’t keep them. He threw me a surprise birthday party for my 65th birthday, but told me he was going to do it the year before. He’s lucky I don’t remember anything.
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He has to drive. I told him I learned how to drive on the Long Island Expressway, so I can drive anywhere. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” he says. I have no sense of direction.
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He loves buying me flowers for Valentines day and my birthday. He is a creature of habit, and I can never tell what year it is when I look at the picture of the arrangement. See shirt paragraph.
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Little kids love him, perhaps because he looks like a teddy bear. Disappointment looms large when little hands knock on the front door and I answer it. “Oh. It’s you” they say.
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He is the kindest, most gentlest person I have ever met. He didn’t bat an eye when I told him I had been married three times before him. He said “so what, lets eat.”
I count my blessings everyday.